Before we discuss this mess, let me address something...It's been brought to my attention by my editor and colleagues that my "Why So Classy?" postings have been horribly skewed towards women, thereby letting the men get off scot-free. While that wasn't my intention, I do see their point.
But I was wondering how I would be able to ameliorate this issue...when, lo and behold, this scumbaggery came into my Inbox. If that's not all kinds of awesome, I don't know what is.
So...onto this mess.
What do you suppose happens to you when you use Kim Kardashian as a urinal (sure, he could've gone to Home Depot to get a toilet like the rest of us mortals, but to my knowledge, the toilet has not yet been made that says, "Oh, yes, squirt me again, I'm a dirty girl, I deseeeerrrve it" when you pee inside it), your sister commits vehicular manslaughter, you date Whitney Houston while she's still married to Bobby Brown (the thought of a tape similar to the one made with Kardashian is NOT an easy visual to live with, let me tell you), AND you have a failed "music" career?
Do you get shunned by the general public? Do you get blacklisted in the entertainment industry? Do you, maybe, go back to school, maybe learn a trade, fade into obscurity with class?
NAAAAAHHHHH.
You call VH1 and they give you your own reality show!
After Flavor of Love 234,876 ended and Rock of Love 12,345 started, I thought there was no way they would do anymore dating shows. I thought it had all been done!
So imagine my surprise when I find out that, not only is there a show called TROPHY WIFE (featuring Sharon Osbourne's favorite whipping chick, Megan Hauserman -- click HERE for the casting call, and leave your dignity at the door), not only is there a show called DAISY OF LOVE (featuring a live version of Janice from The Muppets -- no, seriously, THIS is who you're competing for!), but, lo and behold, THIS scumbaggery!
It's called For the Love of Ray J, it features "rap star" Ray J, and it premieres on February 2nd (set your TiVos). It's the same premise as Flavor of Love. Ray J will muck through 14 uber skanks in the hopes of finding one that licks his...I mean, THE ONE HE TRULY LOVES. Yeah. That's it. True love.
You can go on over to VH1.com to see all 14, but these three are definitely WAY too classy for words (here I thought that Rock of Love chicks were the walking epitomes of grace and elegance. Imagine my surprise...):
CHARDONNAY: Yeah. More like Milwaukee's Best. I can't figure out if what's below her waistband is a tattoo, or a "happy trail." Either way, between the five head and the sculpted eyebrows, I have a feeling that this one's an ugly sight in the morning.
DANGER: Uh-huh. She has a tattoo. Of a LIZARD. (I originally thought it was a rat; it's a bearded desert dragon) ON HER FACE! What. The. HELL?!?
LIL'HOOD: Overall, not a bad looking girl. But it's the sweat stains under the armpit that REALLY push it over-the-top sexy. *shudder*I have to admit that I feel sort of guilty every time I do a Why So Classy? post, because somewhere deep in my cold, black heart, I know I'm encouraging these trainwrecks to continue perpetuating all that is wrong with the world.
And inasmuch as I'd love to take each of these girls -- and Ray J -- over the coals for their trash-tastic behavior, the fact is, the blame lies with the 30-something breeders in my neighborhood & in Park Slope (Brooklyn) who produce this slop.
But still, the question begs itself:
RAY-J, BOO, WHY SO CLASSY?!?
