Why So Classy?: For The Love of Ray J

And with this announcement, For the Love of Ray J has displaced Rock of Love Tour Bus as my guilty trash extravaganza! (God help the poor soul that had to clean out that tour bus...it must've smelled like Pike Street in there...)

SO ANYWAY, 22-year-old Monica Leon, who goes by the name Danger (that's the classy one with the tattoo on her face) on For the Love of Ray-j, has run off and told the National Enquirer that she's 3 months pregnant with Ray-J's baby. What's even more special is that Monica claims they made a baby on the set of that elegant show.

What a beautiful thing. The baby is going to grow up to find out it was conceived on rented sheets on a rented bed in a rented house...in front of the whole VH1 viewing audience. For the Love of Ray-J is the trashiest home movie ever.

Monica told the Enquirer, "There is no way the baby can be anyone's but Ray J's. I was locked in a mansion with him and 13 girls from October until the end of December. Toward the end of the first week of filming, we made love for the first time - and we slept together every night after that! I didn't want to fall for Ray J, but he was so charming it became impossible not to. I was in love with him, and as strange as it might sound, I think he loved me."

Made love?! MADE LOVE?! Honey, I hate to be the bearer of bad news (and not to sound like a Catholic school nun), but when a dude you've known for a week has unprotected sex with you (and 13 other women!), that's NOT love...that's GRADE A, UNABASHED STUPIDITY! If you didn't catch a baby, you would've caught a, *ahem* (in a Victorian voice) "social disease"!

But seriously, VH1 could find a way to turn this into a show. For the Love of a Child Support Check! Maury Povich would host, obviously. (Oh no...I just gave them an idea...)

Why So Classy?

Before we discuss this mess, let me address something...

It's been brought to my attention by my editor and colleagues that my "Why So Classy?" postings have been horribly skewed towards women, thereby letting the men get off scot-free. While that wasn't my intention, I do see their point.

But I was wondering how I would be able to ameliorate this issue...when, lo and behold, this scumbaggery came into my Inbox. If that's not all kinds of awesome, I don't know what is.

So...onto this mess.

What do you suppose happens to you when you use Kim Kardashian as a urinal (sure, he could've gone to Home Depot to get a toilet like the rest of us mortals, but to my knowledge, the toilet has not yet been made that says, "Oh, yes, squirt me again, I'm a dirty girl, I deseeeerrrve it" when you pee inside it), your sister commits vehicular manslaughter, you date Whitney Houston while she's still married to Bobby Brown (the thought of a tape similar to the one made with Kardashian is NOT an easy visual to live with, let me tell you), AND you have a failed "music" career?

Do you get shunned by the general public? Do you get blacklisted in the entertainment industry? Do you, maybe, go back to school, maybe learn a trade, fade into obscurity with class?

NAAAAAHHHHH.
You call VH1 and they give you your own reality show!

After Flavor of Love 234,876 ended and Rock of Love 12,345 started, I thought there was no way they would do anymore dating shows. I thought it had all been done!

So imagine my surprise when I find out that, not only is there a show called TROPHY WIFE (featuring Sharon Osbourne's favorite whipping chick, Megan Hauserman -- click HERE for the casting call, and leave your dignity at the door), not only is there a show called DAISY OF LOVE (featuring a live version of Janice from The Muppets -- no, seriously, THIS is who you're competing for!), but, lo and behold, THIS scumbaggery!

It's called For the Love of Ray J, it features "rap star" Ray J, and it premieres on February 2nd (set your TiVos). It's the same premise as Flavor of Love. Ray J will muck through 14 uber skanks in the hopes of finding one that licks his...I mean, THE ONE HE TRULY LOVES. Yeah. That's it. True love.

You can go on over to VH1.com to see all 14, but these three are definitely WAY too classy for words (here I thought that Rock of Love chicks were the walking epitomes of grace and elegance. Imagine my surprise...):


CHARDONNAY: Yeah. More like Milwaukee's Best. I can't figure out if what's below her waistband is a tattoo, or a "happy trail." Either way, between the five head and the sculpted eyebrows, I have a feeling that this one's an ugly sight in the morning.


DANGER: Uh-huh. She has a tattoo. Of a LIZARD. (I originally thought it was a rat; it's a bearded desert dragon) ON HER FACE! What. The. HELL?!?

LIL'HOOD: Overall, not a bad looking girl. But it's the sweat stains under the armpit that REALLY push it over-the-top sexy. *shudder*

I have to admit that I feel sort of guilty every time I do a Why So Classy? post, because somewhere deep in my cold, black heart, I know I'm encouraging these trainwrecks to continue perpetuating all that is wrong with the world.

And inasmuch as I'd love to take each of these girls -- and Ray J -- over the coals for their trash-tastic behavior, the fact is, the blame lies with the 30-something breeders in my neighborhood & in Park Slope (Brooklyn) who produce this slop.

But still, the question begs itself:

RAY-J, BOO, WHY SO CLASSY?!?