(Hey, if it worked for Lindsay Lohan...)
Dear Beyonce:
It's obvious that the organizers of the Presidential Inaugural Ball wanted someone who could generate publicity instead of someone who had genuine talent. You might be oblivious to that fact, since -- despite the assertions of Copernicus several centuries ago -- you genuinely believe the Earth revolves around you and the sun shines out of your buttcrack, but it makes it no less a fact.
So, with that in mind, yesterday evening was about BARACK AND MICHELLE OBAMA, not your attention-whoring, sorry self.
No, I don't think "At Last" should have been the first song of the night -- I don't care if Etta herself sang it -- because this wasn't a wedding.
That said, the first choice for the performance was Jennifer Hudson, in case you didn't know, but she couldn't make it because the poor dear is in mourning over her recent family tragedy. (Not entirely un-coincidentally, around the same time that Hudson's tragedy happened, there was a Blind Item posted by Gatecrasher, mentioning something about how "someone" didn't call their former co-star with their condolences in the wake of a recent tragedy...something about still being bitter about the Oscar snub. Yeah, Ray Charles -- blind AND dead -- could see who THAT was referring to. Petty, much?)
While Hudson may not have been the best choice -- Aretha Franklin, the Reigning Queen, who sang "My Country 'Tis of Thee" earlier that day, would have blown EVERYONE away -- it was certainly a better option than your warbling, caterwauling, borderline-disrespectful version.
Frankly, when I first heard it, I thought it was a joke. I thought you were just demonstrating what my iPod would sound like if it were playing Etta James while being dropped in a wood chipper. Then I saw this interview:
...and I realized that you were dead serious. And I thought, "now, if only someone would drop YOU into a wood chipper."
More to the point, there were TEN other celebrations in DC yesterday, and they ALL played "At Last" so you wouldn't ride on that thunder. Guess you ate that memo, too.
Maybe some of my colleagues appreciate lazy, gold-digging, vapid broodmares, but I for one find them sickening, who go against all that REAL women stand for, and who ultimately make me ashamed to be female.
And, Beyonce, dear, you certainly qualify as a lazy, gold-digging, vapid broodmare.
You are no more 25 than I am (nothing wrong with being in your 30's, but at this point it's so obvious that Helen Keller, blind AND deaf AND dead, could figure it out). You are the queen of the ghetto p***y popping dances, yet you are somehow under the delusion that you are the greatest singer to ever grace the world with your class and elegance (you must've been too busy looking in the mirror when Aretha Franklin was performing). You are illiterate and unintelligent, and it's apparent to anyone with a pair of ears any time you give an interview. See above. (And to those who make the comment that I'm "elitist"...BEING INTELLIGENT IS NOT A BAD THING. I am REALLY sorry that a third-grade reading level is a challenge to you, but you'd better catch up to the rest of us, because the intelligent people are running things now. Get used to it.)
In fact, I will go so far as to say that this performance was THE most audacious, ego-driven, attention-seeking moment in the history of all performances ever done since the beginning of time. Why? Because in several interviews, you have stated your your lack of support for President Obama, and your support for the Republican Party and its ticket. While you're certainly entitled to vote for whom you want to -- contrary to the erroneous opinion of some, I have no problem inherently with Republicans, but I DO have a problem with unintelligent idiots of any political stripe who think that an "argument" entails ad hominem attacks and slander -- and while voting Republican wasn't necessarily a bad thing, I can't help but feel like you wanted to have your cake and eat it too with this performance.
In other words, had McCain won, you'd have done the exact same performance, and given the same exact interview to Nightline...it's like you just wanted to be on the side that was winning. How much more opportunistic can you get?
(My conspiracy theory mind is going down a much more sinister road, but it's one that I won't entertain at the moment...)
And while I'm certainly not feeling any love for Mariah Carey, who had the audacity to sing into a diamond microphone while the rest of the country is spiraling into a recession, there's something about Mariah that is somewhat likable (like, say, her nine octave range). Unfortunately, Beyonce, with your oversized ego and little talent to back it up, you are the FURTHEST thing from likable.
Please let me know when you finally figure out that this historical moment was not about you. Your expedience in this matter would be greatly appreciated.
Thanking you in advance for your time, I remain,
