Dane Cook April Fools Everyone On New Moon

Today Dane Cook twittered some news which smelled of April Fools... Thankfully we here at PCM didn't run with this but waited out Dane to come clean...

Early in the day we got this:

Damn excited 2 share a secret! I'm going 2 b in the new Twilight film! It's a huge role.Im thrilled 2 b playing vampire! Cool news ain't it?

Later he posted this tweet:

i said the same thing when they offered it to me tonight over dinner! The producers put vampire teeth on my salad and asked me to join!

Now to me, that was the give-away. "They put vampire teeth on my salad..." Sorry Dane. I wasn't biting. LOL

Personally I love Dane. He's your typical Hollywood can stick it but I'll take the money type guy. At the close of the day Dane gave what should be the final tweet on the matter:

I'm proud / sorry to admit I am not going be in the new Twilight film. To all the people that wrote and said "WTF DANE TWILIGHT IS CRAP" -- I know you are thrilled. To all the people that said "daaaaannneeee I'm so happy 4 uuuuuu and can't wait to experience the vampire LeCook" -- I know you feel duped. I thought the April Fools of it all would be tipped when I wrote "cool new ain't it" ... and anyone who knows me knows I am an avid AINT IT COOL NEWS reader ... thought that might tip it off ... well that and the fact it was APRIL FUCKING FOOLS DAY!!!!!!One thing I want to point out. Over a few short hours several websites ... cough ... extra ... ran with it. If you wonder how all the bullshit and lies about your favorite artist end up becoming some odd world fake-fact actualities there you have it. Just because someone posts youtube videos/blogs doesn't mean a damn stitch. It's all superfluous crap unless it comes DIRECTLY from the person you are interested in listening to. That being said I now have to go since I'm in Africa hunting big game with paintball guns. I just shot a lion green and pink.SU-FICook

Hopefully one day we at PCM will score an interview with the great Dane. And not only will that be no April Fools joke, you can rest assured the news will be accurate.

-Lars Hindsley

Dane Cook Is Pissed With Movie Poster

Comedian/actor Dane Cook hates his latest movie’s poster and he’s totally slamming it in his MySpace blog:

“Dear Diary, Before the downpour let me just say that my new movie, My Best Friends Girl, is the best / funniest film I’ve done yet. It’s got a terrific cast. Kate Hudson, Alec Baldwin, Jason Biggs, and myself [sic] really kicked the funny around. This movie showcases our talents accordingly as it expands on them. It’s a fun R-rated flick. An edgy comedy with a dash of romance.

That being said, let me address the fact that although I’m not a marketing major, I have a bit of a trusted reputation after 18 years self-promoting. I’d like to inform you I had no say in this marketing campaign, but if I did, things would be different since it is obvious that this poster is boring / odd and has zero to do with the movie I performed in. Here are a few things that truly blow about my upcoming movie poster to promote the release of the film opening on September 19th:

1. Graphics: Whoever photoshopped our poster must have done so at taser point with 3 minutes to fulfill their hostage takers deranged obligations. They should have called Donnie Hoyle and had him give a tutorial using “You Suck at Photoshop” templates. This is so glossy it makes Entertainment Weekly look wooden.

2. My head: The left side of my face seems to be melting off of my skull. I guess I am looking directly into the Ark of the Covenant? Are they going for the bells palsy thing here? My left side looks like Brittany Spears’ [sic] (VJJ).

3. The Stare: My character apparently has fallen in love with a strand of Kate Hudson’s hair. Kate’s mannequin is desperately in love with the inside of my right ear while Jason is half-stunned, half-corsage.

4. Lips: It looks like I’m wearing Maybelline Water Shine Diamonds Liquid Lipstick. My character’s name is now Winter Solstice and I’m a hooker with a heart of gold. Jason is my floral carrying pimp, while Kate is my first trick!

5. Fashion: My character is sporting a very high collar I mean damn they should be snow capped at that altitude. It’s going for the vampire lurking in the castle basement vibe. An Olympic pole vaulter would have a tough go clearing that collar. I’m also able to turn my head comfortably 180 degrees, because I was raised in an abandoned barn by a family of owls.

6. Flesh: It’s no secret that I’m more rugged facially due to a drunken visit by the teen acne fairy, but according to this poster I’ve got perfect porcelain flesh. I look like the f—in’ bathroom floor at Caesars Palace. One of Marie Osmond’s dolls would look at me and say “s— … that guys got flawless skin!”

7. Hair: It’s actually a close up shot of Tom Selleck’s Magnum P.I. mustache they photo-slapped on my noggin’.

8. The set: Pick one. This entire film takes place:

A. on Gattaca
B. at the Fortress of Solitude
C. inside a crystal wind chime

9. The cast: Alec Baldwin is so f—ing funny in this movie! Is he on the poster? I think so. He plays the wise talking plant Jason is clutching.

10. Final thoughts: I set out to make a movie like the contemporary men and women, that you and I respect, are making. My generation of comedians, actors, directors and producers that I wish to collaborate with as I build a solid body of work.

Granted, one poster stinking up the joint isn’t the end of the world. Yet it sends the wrong message about our movie and I just wanted you to know, that I feel the pain. I really love the film and I know from past missteps marketing wise that the wrong poster sends the wrong audience into the theater.

Thanks again for all of your support. If you have not seen the red band trailer (which is excellent and represents the flick accordingly) click on the link at the top of this page.

PS - “Its funny what love can make you do.” I just threw up all over this awful poster. Wow, wait … it looks better.

Hey … I love my new movie. Jeez … it IS funny what love can make you do.”

Comedian Dane Cook In Court

Comedian turned really bad actor Dane Cook had to appear in court to keep from getting evicted from his residence, the La Fontaine apartment complex. His mini-Pinscher, Beast, keeps pooping all over the place. Cook doesn't seem to care and doesn't clean up after his dog. This is too funny!

Apparently Cook's been warned several times and the other residents even have video to back up their complaints. "The neighbors all hate him," says a source.

"Dane vigorously denies the allegations in the complaint and is looking forward to complete vindication through the legal proceedings," his lawyer has said. Silly!